Living with stroke for 20 years

On 5th Jan 2013, Dad passed away peacefully at home. He was only 58 years old. His demise ended 20 years of suffering from stroke. I am writing this article to pay tribute to a great man who had struggled and sacrificed so much for my family.

My father did not receive much education and worked as a lorry driver in his youth. He was a very hardworking man and worked every single day of the year, except for Chinese New Year. As he was the sole breadwinner, he was also very careful with his money but always ensure that my siblings and myself received good education. There were frequent quarrels with my mom over money issues but he always ensure that my mom has enough to spend for the household. In the eighties and early nineties, Singapore construction was booming with many projects in the pipeline. Dad’s small lorry business began to do well and we were not doing too bad either. There were frequent family outings and durian treats at home. In those days, under the old scheme, COE was even higher than today, but my dad managed to buy a second-hand Toyota family car. Things were looking pretty well for us.

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Disaster struck in 1993 when my father collapsed at work in his lorry. I recalled one afternoon, Dad’s colleagues carried him back home. He was semi-conscious and could not move his left side of the body. My family was wondering what happened Dad as he had never came back home to rest in the afternoon. In the early nineties, awareness of stroke was also very low and my siblings and myself were too young to comprehend the implication of the incident. Eventually, we decided to send Dad to hospital the next day. He was diagnosed with stroke at the hospital.

Everything went downhill after my dad suffered from stroke. Dad could not drive a lorry because of his condition and so my family lost a valuable source of income. Dad also did not purchase any life insurance back then, so we had no insurance payouts to fall back on. To top it off, my elder brother, myself and my sister were still schooling in secondary school. Money was really tight and we had to depend on Dad’s small lorry business for survival. Those were really lost years as my family struggled financially and also hoped that Dad would recover from his illness fast.

Dad never recovered from his stroke. In the next two decades, we struggled to cope as his condition worsen. In 2007, he was diagnosed with multi-system atrophy, a condition which caused him to lose the ability to speak, swallow, urinate, walk and sit. We realized that it’s a illness that is much worse than stroke. Over the last 5 years, it was really heart wrenching to see how my father transformed from a big strong man to being wheel-chair bound and then bedridden. The journey was very emotionally distressed. Because at one end, my father lost his quality of life and personal dignity, at the other end, it pained us to see him suffering in this way.

Although we knew the outcome of his condition, it really hit me hard when my father passed away. I was not by side when he passed on because I was on overseas duty travel. This was one of my greatest regrets. I did not get to bade him farewell when he left. If I could, I would have told him how much I loved him. I think I would miss my father very much.
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3 thoughts on “Living with stroke for 20 years

  • January 21, 2013 at 4:50 pm

    My condolences to you. My parents are getting old and I shuddered to think of this eventuality. So, I do what I can now to spend quality time with them every single day.

  • January 22, 2013 at 1:45 am

    Thanks for sharing your story. My deepest condolences. Be strong my friend.

  • January 24, 2013 at 4:22 am

    Deepest condolences to you. My grandmother who is living with my parents also suffered from stoke for about 7 years and passed away peacefully last October. I was able to empathize with your emotional distress on the whole family. It is during this period that we are able to see the true human nature of our close relatives. Some were drawn closer while others tried to avoid any responsibilities. To me, it was a relief for the whole family when the stress end. Like Wealth Journey, my parents are also getting old and I tried to put some conscious efforts to spend quality time with them. Treasure them while they are still around.

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